Many times both men and women struggle when communicating with the opposite gender. For communication to be effective, it must be understood. One of the biggest barriers to effective communication is gender. The first step to overcoming the gender communication barrier is to identify male and female communication patterns. Then one can begin to understand the different strengths and styles both genders bring to the table.
Childhood Gender Communication Differences
Gender communication differences begin during childhood. Remember the rhyme, boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails, girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. From a very early age, males and females are taught different linguistic styles. Communication behaviors that are acceptable for girls may not be acceptable for boys and vice versa.
Girls are told to use their manners, play quietly, and be ladylike. However it is okay for boys to use rough language, play loudly, and be rambunctious. Girls are allowed to show feelings. For example, if a small girl scrapes her knee and starts to cry, she is nurtured. If a boy has the same minor injury, he is told not to cry and be tough.
Girls play with dolls and make believe. They cooperate as a group when playing together like double dutch jump rope. Boys play sports and cops and robbers. They are competitive and play team games like dodge ball. Girls develop a relational style of interaction whereas boys develop a competitive style of interaction.
Importance of Understanding Gender Communication Differences
Male and female brains are structured and process information differently. Men process information analytically while women tend to process things abstractly. Each gender has a distinctive communication pattern and often mistakenly assumes that the opposite gender thinks and acts as they do. This is where miscommunication arises because each side believes they are communicating clearly based on their own communication patterns but they are not.
Neither gender is right or better, just wired different. Therefore when communicating men and women should stop judging or trying to change each other and learn the differences between male and female communication patterns. Accept the different linguistic styles, abilities, and skills as complementary. Use the strengths cooperatively to work, grow, and succeed.
Male Communication Pattern and Traits
The male communication pattern and traits tend to be honest, direct, and facutal. It is considered “report” type talk. The communication behaviors men tend to possess are as follows:
- reason
- logic
- power
- rank
- status
- compete
- winning
- team
- think
Men view conversation as a means to exchange information and problem solve. Men stay away from personal topics and discuss events, sports, news, and facts. They tell more stories and jokes than women as a way to show status and power. Men are direct, blunt, and speech includes slang or swear words. Men get straight to work on a task and build relationships while working on the project. Men reflect and process information for decision making internally.
Female Communication Pattern and Traits
The female communication pattern and traits tend to be nurturing, indirect, and respectful. It is considered “rapport” type talk. The communication behaviors women tend to possess are as follows:
- feeling
- empathy
- harmony
- closeness
- relationships
- sharing
- cooperation
- group
- intuituve
Women talk to build rapport and make connections. They discuss personal topics like relationships, feelings, and past experiences. Women take turns communicating. Women tend to be indirect, tactful, and use more courtesy words. Women accomplish tasks by building relationships first. Women talk out loud to others, processing information externally for decision making.
Keep in mind, these differences are typical. Not all traits listed under male or female are strictly one or the other. Anyone can have any combination of traits. The key to overcoming the gender communication barrier is being able to identify and understand both typical communication patterns along with personal traits.
Finally, effective communication between men and women can take place only when both genders understand the differences in male and female communication patterns and the effect those differences have on the communication process. It takes hard work and conscious effort but overcoming the gender communication barrier is possible.
References
Karten, N. Communication Gaps and How to Close Them. New York, NY: Dorset House Publishing, 2002.
Tannen, D. You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York, NY: Harper, 1990.
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Amanda-Makenzie Braedyn - Amanda-Makenzie Braedyn has been working in the communications field for 10 years. Amanda-Makenzie holds a Bachelor of Science in ...
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